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<title>you could be a sweet dream or beautiful nightmare (either way i don't wanna wake up from you) by rosietyler</title>
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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24979294">you could be a sweet dream or beautiful nightmare (either way i don't wanna wake up from you)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/rosietyler/pseuds/rosietyler'>rosietyler</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>the one adventure he could never have [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Doctor Who (2005)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fluff, Post-Episode: s04e13 Journey's End</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 01:35:12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,547</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24979294</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/rosietyler/pseuds/rosietyler</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>"There are a lot of things I never said."</p><p>"Why didn't you say them?" she breathes, her voice barely audible. If this was her Time Lord Doctor, he would have exclaimed something loudly by now and pushed the conversation aside, announcing another exotic planet or time period he wanted to take her too. </p><p>This isn't the Time Lord Doctor.</p><p>"I was scared," he says, and his voice is just as soft as hers, and it almost panics her that replied. "So, so scared. That's why I always ran, you know. Devastated of what I had loved and lost, and scared of what I was to love and lose in the future."</p><p>(Or, the Doctor's first night in Pete's World.)</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Metacrisis Tenth Doctor/Rose Tyler</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>the one adventure he could never have [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1910116</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>80</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>you could be a sweet dream or beautiful nightmare (either way i don't wanna wake up from you)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>hopefully the start of a series about the metacrisis settling into pete's world.</p><p>if you're looking for a lot of angst and a lot of rose not trusting the doctor and wondering if he is the doctor etc. then this isn't for you. she's seen a lot and i don't think she would be fazed by this.</p><p>enjoy!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Rose Tyler is not an innocent.</p><p>She hasn't been for a long time.</p><p>First smoked a cigarette at twelve years old (nearly threw up on her shoes). First tried vodka at fourteen in a park round the corner from the estate. Lost her virginity at fifteen. Moved out at sixteen. Travelled the universe at nineteen. Saved the universe at twenty. Got trapped in a parallel universe at twenty-one. Earned a physics PHD at twenty-three. Built a dimension cannon at twenty-four.</p><p>She's twenty-five now, and has seen <em>so much.</em></p><p>The love of her life splitting himself in two isn't even in the top five strangest things she's seen.</p><p>"You shouldn't be near me, Rose," he whispers, his voice rough and full of emotion that is so beautifully, hauntingly <em>human.</em> They are the first words he has spoken since he whispered the words (the ones she's spent six years longing to hear) in her ear on the beach, letting Rose shuffle him onto a zeppelin her mother arranged. The woman herself has actually, for once, made herself scarce and is down the front of the zeppelin, speaking quietly into her phone.</p><p>They are sitting next to each other, but not touching, with only a small drinks tray separating them. He had spent the first half an hour of the flight staring out of the window, his knee bouncing, his fingers tapping on the table.</p><p>(She had thought at first it might be restlessness, then maybe a side effect of the metacrisis, but she'd beginning to think it might be something else entirely).</p><p>"He is right. I'm a monster. I'm full of bloodshed and anger and fire." He takes a shuddering breath. It sounds like it hurts. "I've committed genocide." He looks at his hands, holds them out flat with his palms up like they are stained with blood.</p><p>Rose slides her hand into his.</p><p>"So have I," she says, staring into his eyes, remembering the night he told her - and showed her - what had happened on the Game Station. She can see the spark of recognition in his eyes, and knows the same memory is playing in his head.</p><p>He smiles.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Rose's flat is huge.</p><p>It's the first though that runs through his head when she sheepishly opens the door for him. She could have easily fitted the Powell Estate flat into the open plan living room/kitchen area three times over.</p><p>The second thought is that is it bare.</p><p>He understands why she is sheepish now. It is devoid of anything except the barest of furniture; a couch, a TV. A very modern kitchen, island and stools. A bookcase on the other end. The other wall is all windows, letting in the London light.</p><p>It's the dead of night, so the world outside is inky black.</p><p>"Wasn't expecting to be back," she says quietly, taking off her blue leather jacket that had become her own personal suit of armour over the last year and draping it over a kitchen stool. She doesn't want to ever wear it again. (The irony of her having a leather jacket suit of armour and her first Doctor's leather jacket was not lost on her.) "Sorry."</p><p>"Don't apologise," he says, just as quietly. He leans back against her L shaped couch, crossing his legs at the ankles and his arms over his chest.</p><p>The silence flirts with awkwardness.</p><p>"Didn't spend much time here," she goes on, not wavering her attention from him. He can see the differences in her clearer than he can see the differences in himself. She's older. Stronger in herself, in her decisions. More confident. The Rose he travelled with would have been fidgeting in the awkwardness, whereas this Rose stands perfectly still. "The cannon took up most of my time. Slept here. That's about it."</p><p>"Big place for just sleeping."</p><p>"Dad," she explains, her gaze dropping for the first time. Ah, so that hasn't changed; still as modest. He wonders briefly when 'Pete' became 'Dad'. "He insisted when I arrived. Said he had no-one to spend money on for a few years, so he wanted to make up for it."</p><p>"And make up for it he did," the Doctor agrees, walking over to the floor-to-ceilings windows that holds a spectacular view of London.</p><p>She follows, watching as he scans the skies. Despite the fact she thoroughly snogged him on a beach six hours ago and held his hand throughout the zeppelin journey home, she keeps a bit of space between them.</p><p>"I was exiled to Earth once before," he says, his voice soft and wistful. He's got one hand on the plane of glass, pressing against it gently. "In the 1970s. Oh, quite a few faces ago now. Had a car and everything. Had a job, too! I worked for UNIT."</p><p>"I never knew," Rose says gently, looking up at him. She feels like she's talking to a particularly skittish cat, and she doesn't want to scare him off.</p><p>"I don't think I ever said," he replies, his gaze outside, the conversation reminding him of one they have had before, a long time ago, on the very the streets below. "There are a lot of things I never said."</p><p>"Why didn't you say them?" she breathes, her voice barely audible. If this was her Time Lord Doctor, he would have exclaimed something loudly by now and pushed the conversation aside, announcing another exotic planet or time period he wanted to take her to. </p><p>This isn't the Time Lord Doctor.</p><p>"I was scared," he says, and his voice is just as soft as hers, and it almost panics her that replied. "So, so scared. That's why I always ran, you know. Devastated of what I had loved and lost, and scared of what I was to love and lose in the future."</p><p>She knows he's talking about two things; Gallifrey and the Time Lords, and her. She bridges their gap, and she takes his hand in hers once more.</p><p>(She can't help but notice it's warm and slightly clammy, where her Time Lord Doctor's hand was always cool and dry).</p><p>"It's okay to be scared," she whispers, still too tense to speak and break this moment. "But don't be scared of losing me. I'll always be here."</p><p>There is a beat of silence, then he uses their joined hands to tug her into a hug, the top of her head brushing under his chin. He wraps both of his arms around her, buries his nose in her hair.</p><p>She burrows her head into his chest, and he's warm and slightly smelly. She doesn't care - she cannot believe the gift she's been given. Her grief for the Time Lord Doctor will come, she is sure of it, but not tonight. Not when she has this.</p><p>"I love you," he murmurs into her hair.</p><p>There is a bubble in her chest that expands as he says those words she's spent six years waiting for him to say.</p><p>(The fact that it isn't <em>him</em> that says them crosses her mind, but she doesn't linger on that).</p><p>"I love you too," she says, her voice loud in the large flat.</p><p>She has nothing to hide anymore.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>A while later, she gives him a brief tour of her expansive flat. Three bedrooms, two bathrooms, and a near-panoramic view of London.</p><p>They're at the third bedroom (which is also completely bare) when a horrifically loud rumble runs through the flat. Rose's eyebrows hit her hairline as the Doctor puts a hand on his stomach.</p><p>"Blimey," he says, his voice a mixture between amused and embarrassed. Rose can see the tips of his ears turning a little pink alongside his cheeks, and if that isn't the most adorable thing she's ever seen. "That's something I'll have to get used to."</p><p>"Hunger?" she questions. She's seen him with the appetite of lions before, surely he's been <em>hungry?</em></p><p>He fixes her with a stare that is quite Donna, that screams 'are you kidding me'. It's not totally unlike the stare he sometimes fixed her with when she tried and failed to add to his technobabble.</p><p>(Maybe he and Donna are more alike than they are different).</p><p>"No, the rumbling," he says, and she half expects him to add 'you stupid ape' onto the end of the sentence. "Of course I've been hungry, Rose. I'm just more used to being able to quash more base needs like hunger until it was convenient."</p><p>"The same way you were able to go for days without sleeping?"</p><p>"Ugh, sleeping," he says, his face contorted in disgust, answering her question without meaning to. "Humans and their sleep. I'll end up sleeping half my life away if I get Donna's sleeping pattern, she used to sleep in 'til noon."</p><p>"How will you cope?" Rose says, her voice light and teasing. Another loud rumble cuts through the conversation and Rose giggles. "We better get you fed. I don't really have much. Wasn't planning to be back. All the takeaways will be closed now. I might have some bread? Could make toast?" she trails off, heading over to the kitchen area. She finds some white bread that appears free of mould and pops in the the toaster. She makes them both a cup of tea, making them out of habit exactly as she did before.</p><p>Meanwhile the Doctor has sat himself down at one of her kitchen island stools, and even though they've been talking it still shocks her, to see him sitting in her kitchen in the flat she could never call home.</p><p>Maybe now, she could.</p><p>The toast pops, loud in the silence of the room. She finds some marmalade in the near-empty fridge and coats the bread in it, sliding it across the island.</p><p>He beams at her, and cleans the plate in what feels like ten seconds flat. He wraps his hands around the mug and takes a deep sip.</p><p>"Burn that suit," she says eventually.</p><p>"Really?!" he squeaks, putting out his arms to inspect the suit.</p><p>"Really," she nods vigorously. "I don't know who let you walk around in that but it's hideous."</p><p>"Rose Tyler, you wound me," he says, grinning at her despite his words. He thinks for a second. "It was around Martha's time I started wearing this suit. Brown was a bit ... tainted for a while."</p><p>Rose is sombre for a moment.</p><p>"Martha never once turned around and said, <em>'mate that suit is minging?</em>'" she asks, her tongue peeking out between her teeth. He is struck by how that sentence took her right back to the Estate, and he realised how much more articulate she is now compared to when he'd first met her, all eyeliner and bleach, in that shop basement.

He notices her hair is a slightly darker shade of blonde now, her makeup a bit lighter. It suits her.</p><p>"Martha never challenged me like that," he admits, looking down at his empty plate. "Only really when it was concerning her family or you."</p><p>"Me?" Rose points at herself, eyes wide.</p><p>The Doctor rubs his earlobe. "Might've mentioned you once or twice. She fancied me something terrible."</p><p>"Don't blame her," Rose says, and the Doctor grins behind his mug.</p><p>"I mentioned you constantly, and she got the message, but I think she was still hopeful," he says. "Never had the stomach to just tell her no."</p><p>"Destroyer of Worlds, not Breaker of Hearts," Rose says, and the Doctor laughs, but there is no amusement there.</p><p>"She was a good friend, Martha," he says eventually. "I feel bad for what I put her through. I think I messed her up. I hope she finds happiness someday."</p><p>Rose clicks her tongue against the roof of her mouth. "I think she'll be fine. She and Mickey were definitely checking each other out when you were towing the Earth home."</p><p>(She avoids mentioning the TARDIS by name; that's a discussion for another time. She'll let him have tonight.)</p><p>"Really?" he replies, eyes wide and head cocked. "Well, I never. Go on yourself, Mickey the Idiot." He smiles. "They'd make a good pair, Mickey and Martha."</p><p>"To the one I messed up, and the one you did," Rose says, lifting her mug in toast.</p><p>"To Mickey and Martha," the Doctor says, clicking his mug with hers.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>The Doctor is lying in bed in Rose Tyler's spare room, burning a hole in her ceiling.</p><p>He'd sent her off to bed by herself about fifteen minutes ago at the sight of her yawning, claiming that he wasn't going to sleep anytime soon. After her door was safely shut behind her, he took the liberty of relaxing in her spare room. He didn't think she'd mind.</p><p>Every time he closes his eyes he sees Davros; Dalek Caan's eerily high pitched voice; his ship leaving Bad Wolf Bay without him; <em>Donna</em>.</p><p>It's a show reel behind his eyes that just won't stop playing.</p><p>He rams his fists into his eyes, rubbing vigorously as if he could wipe away the memories. It's useless, and all he gets for his trouble is sore eyes.</p><p>His single heart continues to thump loudly in his ears, almost echoing in the room.</p><p>He hears the door creak slightly, and he turns his head on the pillow; he can't see anything solid but can make out her silhouette. After all, who else would it be? She crawls across the bed and settles down beside him, although not touching him. He can feel her body heat radiating off her, and briefly wonders if she can now feel the same from him now that his basal body temperature is more similar to her own than it is to a Time Lord's.</p><p>"Everything alright?" he asks across the darkness.</p><p>He feels more than sees her head shake. "Every time I close my eyes everything just replays on a loop," she admits softly. In the dark she sounds so young, and scared. </p><p>"I'm the same," he says in reassurance, and reaches down to grab her hand. He finds it and squeezes gently; she returns the pressure, then uses it to boost herself up so her head is lying on his chest. He wraps his arms around her and he can feel the tension start to bleed out of her. He feels a burst of pride somewhere in his chest that he managed to accomplish that.</p><p>"Can you talk to me?" Rose asks eventually, her voice almost shy. "Tell me about your adventures."</p><p>And so he does. He tells her about Donna materialising on the TARDIS, about the Racnoss. He tells her about meeting Shakespeare, about the Daleks underneath the Empire State building. He was halfway through telling her all about 1969 when he heard her breath even out in sleep.</p><p>He could feel himself beginning to drop off, too - his eyes were drifting shut of their own will. Rose didn't appear to be letting him go, even in sleep. His arms tightened around her fractionally.</p><p>There is a lot they have still yet to discuss. So much to discuss. But for tonight, he was content enough to lie there and sleep with Rose Tyler in his arms. Something he'd dreamed of doing for six years.</p><p>After all, tomorrow their new adventure awaits.</p><p>And he is <em>excited.</em></p>
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